Basics of non-violent communication

I never thought I was a violent person by nature, until all the problems started back at work because of different cultures and misunderstandings and different communications styles. I went to my new workplace (a new position with a more multicultural taste,) with the assumption that Europeans will always discriminate against those from the "Global South." It was indeed a self-fulfilling prophecy because I misinterpreted any word or action from a white person into an act of discrimination, and was on guard most of the time. This made me act aggressively a lot of times where- even if there was a mistake from the other side- I could have acted more civilized and compassionately. Hate breeds hate and it's truly a vicious cycle that leaves me depleted. Some key learning lessons for me:

- Love wins. Even if someone treats you bad, you could get your point across without sounding hateful or harsh. That way you'll be perceived as more mature and peaceful, yet firm.

- Don't gossip! Badmouthing doesn't solve problems, it only makes them worse. And words soon turn into action. Be really slow in anger and let it simmer before you take action.

- Build bridges. Do an effort to put yourself in others shoes and understand where they are coming from and how they are thinking and what makes them behave the way they do. It'll make a big difference to do so.

- And last but not least, focus! focus on what's important, the mission at hand. And when people share the same mission, they forget about the disagreements they once had. 

One week of minding my energy

It's been a week now since receiving my Reiki achievements. I'm going through a spiritual, mental, and physical shift. I started noticing the clutter in my life (whether in emotions, or words coming out of my mouth, or thoughts) and how much I'm in need for a series decluttering. This might mean that I need to speak less, focus, do more meditation, and watch my food consumption.

But I feel so equipped as well to do so. Those hands vibrating with lively energy are becoming my best therapist. The first thing I do when I wake up is to pour energy to my chakras which feels so good like working out in the morning and feeling the blood rushing all over your body. I'm starting to have a more positive and vibrant outlook at life, becoming more sensitive to the subtle changes in my body and around me.

Talking about and giving Reiki to others make me more aware of my connection to all beings around me. It also made me realize how afraid people are to ask for help, even when they needed. Since giving reiki entails coming closer-- physically and emotionally-- it takes courage from both the giver and the taker to cross those boundaries, and for their energies to unite. A very powerful experience.

Reiki is offering me to do some major decluttering as I said before, something I know won't be comfortable but will bring in more peace and mindfulness in my life. I'll post the progress here. 

That thing called Universal Energy

I've had few experiences in my life that I can call transformative. It's the kind of experiences that open your eyes to a new perspective in life you weren't aware of before. One of these experiences was getting introduced to the ancient Eastern belief system that we are all connected to a limitless field of Universal Energy. It resonated with my deep christian belief system that all beings come from one source of life (the breath of God as we call it in Christianity.) That we aren't separate beings as we think we are.

How did that change my life? Well, when I started learning about the Dhammakaya meditation back in 2015 in a buddhist temple in Thailand, I felt as if my body was unlocked to that immense flow of pure energy of love, compassion and connection with all beings. It made me see God in a different light, feeling more connected to that superior being, that I'm not just a lump of flesh. Those who practice meditation know how it feels to suddenly have that energy flowing into the once locked and drained energy channels and zones (or chakras) in your bodies. It's like a failing lung suddenly recovering and drawing in its first breath of oxygen, or a gush of blood in a once blocked artery.

Now, a few days ago, I finally took the Reiki class I've been wanting to attend for so many years. I was first introduced to Reiki through a friend who I went to whenever I had a migraine and it helped me a lot to ease up the body (you get this feeling of immense peace as if coated with an unseen layer of energy.) After taking the class, I'm not sure if I can describe the experience (without sounding too new agey!) but it was heavenly. Our Reiki master, Steve Gooch, attuned our body to a higher frequency of energy, which you can suddenly feel in your body (yet it has a soft presence, not an overwhelming one.) And that feeling of energy flow you wait to reach after 30 minutes or so of meditation you reach in an instant through placing the palms of your hands (which now emanates higher frequency of energy) on your seven energy spots (crown, third eye, throat, heart, naval, sacral, and root) to stimulate the flow of energy.

Unlike the acupuncture, which stimulates the flow of energy only internally from one part to another in the body, the Reiki system draws energy from the abundant Universal Energy field that is always accessible. It's like an ocean of pure water, and the hands in that case acts as a pipeline connecting the ocean to the energy spots.

The only thing I can say for now that it's an amazing ancient knowledge of wisdom. It has its roots in all religions (for those who open their eyes and see beyond the written and the heard.) and it took my life to a whole new level.

I am grateful! :) 

Protect yourself from negative energy

I wrote in the previous post about feeling trapped in the cycle of negativity- 24/7 complaining and bitching about life; no one is good enough; nothing is satisfying. And the more you talk it, the more it manifests yourself into your life, and the more your eyes are trained to see only the bad.

Until I hit the pit and realized that I've become the most negative pessimistic version of myself-- nothing is ever good for me. At that moment I stopped and started thinking where things got wrong. It wasn't about the conditions of life, because I was in worse conditions before, yet I used to be more passionate and optimistic. It was truly about my mindset and the new "nothing is good enough" attitude that I've adopted.

One piece of advice I would give is: pay very close attention to your surroundings. Being in an environment where people talk negatively all the time can have its toll on you. Try to protect yourself, filtering what goes through to your mind and heart.

And above all, love always wins. Love everyone and be merciful to everyone, even those who are different, or less smarter, or less cooler than you are. Accept them, and help them to meet their better version. Remember that someone once helped you, and it's time to pay back.

And live, live the fullness of life. It is a decision to adopt a positive mindset in life, even when everything is going wrong.

Namaste! :) 

Guard your mindset

I've noticed lately that I was losing my joy in life, my ability to be satisfied and grateful. Although life has been treating me good lately, giving me everything I've been dreaming of, I wasn't able to enjoy that, to actually feel gratitude. I got stuck in this vicious circle of complaining-- complaining about life, the country, the stupidity of people around me, the futility of it all. As if nothing is enough, nothing is incomplete.

And yesterday, I felt I've had enough and decided to reflect on this. I noticed that my brain was rewired to repeat what everyone around me is saying every single day: life is crap. people are crap. This wave of darkness and hopeless worldview took strong hold of me and influenced my attitude towards life, those around me, and myself.

And now, I decided to rewire my brain back to my more natural worldview. The one that God gave me a long time ago-- one that believed in the beauty of life and creatures, in the inherent goodness of people despite the evil, in our strength as God's light in the world, that actions speak stronger than words.

I'll be more watchful of my mindset from now on. 

Losing the happiness

Sometimes I struggle to find meaning in life. Yes, I wake up everyday, go to to work, do stuffs I like, but I keep asking myself if I'm going anywhere or simply wasting time. I'm not taking about goals, but rather a bigger purpose in life, something I live for. Before, I used to try so hard not to give in. But now, it seems that my energy is running out slowly.

I feel so disconnected from everything around me-- from myself, the people, it's like being in a cocoon. And everything starts to feel cold and dull. Even the things that I once enjoyed slowly lose their glamour.

Anyway, I'm still determined to get back to my mindful life, where I felt more connected and in harmony with the being.

And my first action will be: complain less, thank more.

I'll keep this space updated. 

Post-Revolution Disorder

Banksy-Waiting in Vain

Nothing harder than catching a glimpse of freedom only to be snatched away from you; knowing what peace of mind is before falling into waves of turbulence; tasting passionate love before landing into a desert of nothingness.

Nothing like knowledge-- the knowledge of having, of being.

Nothing like incomplete revolutions.

Nothing like a broken clock.

I still dream of the freedom I once tasted in this country. I still dream of the peaceful me, that carefree soul who once believed in love. I still dream of love. That love that turned out to be anything but love.

I still dream of everything I once had, I once was.

I still dream of a complete revolution. 

Mindfulness in Relationships-- "I AM SORRY"

For some time, I stopped writing because I thought "well, mindfulness is too much work and life will be always the same shit." this is how I thought, until a week ago, when I realized that a very important relationship in my life was crumbling because all what I was thinking of in this relationship was myself.

Too many expectations, I'm expecting you to show care, to call, to ask, to offer...too many expectations that I don't enjoy what is actually being offered because I'm waiting on what I have in my mind. I want it THIS WAY. And of course, when the other person doesn't feel appreciated for what he is doing, that he can't give enough to satisfy me, he stops and gives up.

Both of us are looking for the "safe space" in each other where we forget all the pain and hurt we've been through in life. Yet, both of us are coming to this space with a baggage, a heavy weight that will only fall hard on the other person's shoulder; so we keep throwing and throwing until we realize that the "Safe space" is gradually turning into the same "viscous abusive cycle" we've been trapped in in past relationships.

And this is where I stopped recently to ask myself "what went wrong?" how did the love turn into a weakness? when did the ego come in our way so that instead of enjoying each other's presence, we keep thinking of "who is to blame?" as if we're enemies, not lovers.

This happens over and over again-- in love relationships, in friendships, in family relations...everywhere.


Today, I woke and realized I haven't been practicing mindfulness in my life in general, and maybe this is why my ego is popping up strong and sharp. I have some practices in my mind that I need to explore in my life in general when it comes to relationships and will be reflecting on them here.


The first thing I did today was to say "I am sorry." Even if deep inside I don't believe I did a mistake. I am sorry for the pain and the hurt and the ego trying to prove it's always right. Apology mends the broken heart cause it's always coming from a place of love, of appreciation, of repentance.


Namaste... 

The Buffer Zone

I stopped writing in this blog for sometime because I’ve put aside mindful living. The reason for this is that life got crazy, my mind got busy, and I slowly drifted away from the mindful living into the dreadful rollercoaster of life. At first, right after I finished my career break and got back to the daily hustle and bustle of usual business, I promised myself that I would continue the mindful lifestyle- being aware of every move, every word, and every thought. That meant that I had to protect that mindful territory of mine, sometimes by taking radical measures such as cutting down the socialization or taking weekend breaks in total isolation. Gradually, life pushed me back into the easier route— the one where you do what others are doing and saying what others will be happy hearing. See, it usually about is peer pressure to act unmindful and unconscious as everybody else around you.

Today was one of those few days where I woke up with nothing much to do, yet I felt that noise in my head caused by unending waves of thoughts and emotional burden. I wanted to run away from it and tried the usual gimmicks— eating, opening my pc and scrolling mindlessly through the rattles on my FB page, checking my do list to see what I need to do today, or trying to sleep— yet nothing of all of this made any difference, actually they only deepened my exhaustion and restlessness. Yet, suddenly I remembered the times where I started my day by meditation— a habit that always brought peacefulness and focus to my mind and body. For some reason, when my life gets so crazy and I’m in the most need for this practice, it seems faraway and unattainable. It’s like when you become unfit and you know the solution is exercising, yet being unfit makes it harder to exercise— a vicious cycle it is. 

But today I had no choice but to make peace with it. I was feeling drained and had no other option. I sat on my little pillow on the floor and closed my eyes. At first, the waves of thoughts and scenes popped up in front of me in an attempt to bring me down. It was like a pandora box that once you open it, the contents flood out uncontrollably. For me, this is the most difficult time in the meditation. Yet, I was patient enough to wait in silence with my eyes closed, cause I knew what was to waiting for me. Slowly, the flood of thoughts slowed down together with my breath. I started to regain awareness of my body senses, one by one, and my train of thoughts finally came to a stop and rested there. And this is the moment where I felt I’m regaining myself slowly, a moment where my mind felt empty and clear, where my body started ridding itself of all the burden and came to neutrality, and I was finally able to rest. 

It is a life changing practice. Even after I finish the meditation session and open my eyes to the crazy world, I start thinking of how much we are tied down to this unending spiral of thoughts and action; how much we tend to lose ourselves in this world and become someone who isn’t us in the first place. But today I remembered my buffer zone that is always there for me whenever I need to take a break from the non-ending war of the world. It is a bliss! 

Too Much Knowledge Isn't Good!

some time ago, I used to crave any kind of information about anything, thinking that I should be updated with all the affairs of life. This appeared especially at work where I wanted to be engaged in all conversations "gossips" in the workplace, believing that this makes me powerful and up to date with whatever is happening. Yet, that harmed me more than it empowered me, since I only had a limited heart and mind, and by not filtering what comes inside, I often felt overwhelmed. With time, I realized that important knowledge gets wasted amid trivial stuff. And so gradually, I decided to change my attitude towards accessing knowledge. I decided to engage only in meaningful conversations and to choose succinctly what I say and what I choose to let inside. My filters were prepped up and my time and effort wisely used.

So next time you feel overwhelmed by the flood of unprocessed information, words, and feelings, put your filters up and check the access points (be it media, face to face conversations or simply surrounding noise) and figure out a way to filter out only what's meaningful and relevant before its gets inside of you for processing and saving.

Namaste! 

Respect The Waiting Season

We need to accept the fact that life will always have its ups and downs. There is a season for ploughing, a season for planting, a season for waiting, and a season for harvesting.  There are some seasons that are more celebrated than others, like the harvesting season, and there are seasons that are looked down upon like the waiting season. However, if we looked deeper, we will see that all the seasons are equal in importance, for they all contribute towards the final outcome.

I'm speaking about this because currently I'm passing by a waiting season. I've ploughed my land, planted the seeds, and now I'm waiting. Unlike farming, in real life you don't really know how long you will be waiting, maybe a month, and maybe a year. You just need to have faith in the process. The other challenge is that you don't really know the outcome of the waiting, the crops might not turn out as you've expected. But again, it's all part of the process that needs to be respected and accepted.

So, how to deal with the waiting season? Is it just a matter of putting our lives on hold until something turns out? I believe it's a matter of perspectives. You can consider the waiting period as a preparation period as well, for the labor time will soon follow, and so you need to prepare yourself. I usually use this period for spiritual, emotional and mental growth, working on myself, my body as well. I use it as an investment time to further develop my knowledge, skills and strengthen my spiritual life. So, at least, I don't see it as wasted time, but a time most appreciated and used.

So, eventually, my two cents are, don't run away from the waiting season, or try to make it shorter or cry over it. Respect it. Respect the meaning behind it, and prepare yourself for what will be waiting for you afterwards.

Namaste! 

So Many Blessings 2015

As 2015 is coming to an end, I want to thank her for being so inspiring and beautiful and generous. It has been one of the most different years in my life, and I'm so much in awe for all the experiences I've been through, all the places I've gone, and all the amazing people I've got to know. Thank you!

Here is a snapshot of the year.

January 2015

After going through a lot of trials and hardships during this period, I decided to take a break from work and live a quiet time to rediscover myself and my priorities in life. It was quiet a brave decision for me given the fact that I’ve been working continuously since I graduated from university with no breaks in between. Now after almost a year, I can confidently say it was one of the best life decisions ever.

It was still a difficult period though with dad poor health condition and spending most of the month in the hospital. But we always witnessed quite a lot of miracles during this period that reminded us of God’s everlasting love and care.

February 2015 

I was on a notice period at work, doing my best to finish everything on time before leaving work. I also presented my these proposal at the university and it got accepted. I used this month to do a tight plan of all the things I wanted to do during my career break, I was already getting super excited. I applied for theatre school, counseling school and different traveling opportunities. I started my career break with a breathtaking vacation to Nubia- Aswan.

March 2015

This was the first month in an exciting journey of my career break. I made sure to keep it super busy in order not to feel a sudden drop in my activity level after leaving work. I started living on a low budget to save money, riding public transportation instead of taxis and living the life of a free wanderer. I started attending the school of social theatre at Jesuits centre, an intensive training for four days a week. Although I didn’t continue the school, I truly enjoyed the three months I spent there and learnt quite a lot.  I also became part of Microsoft Aspire mentorship program for college students. I resumed my counseling studies, started meditation practice, and started conducting a series of community trainings on a pro-bono basis. It was a great start to a new life. 

April 2015

I continued the theatre school and was preparing for a street performance. I continued working on my thesis. I had a good family time during Easter holidays. I started volunteering with St. Andrews for refugee services, giving professional development workshops to refugees. One of the greatest things that happened to me is coming back to creative writing, a long forgotten passion. I wrote a short story called “A Crow’s Pilgrimage”

May 2015

Another big turn for me was switching to a vegetarian diet during this month. I still don’t know the reason behind this by my body was shut off completely for eating meat.  Finished the process  of data collection for my thesis. I had an amazing and enriching volunteering experience with the refugees at St. Andrew’s and the feedback was truly amazing. I got accepted into “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop in Switzerland in June, and was so excited for my first traveling opportunity during the career break. I also got an interview with Peace Revolution for the meditation retreat in Thailand in August. The career break was getting more and more interesting.

June 2015 

During my career break, I was continuously thinking that it’s time to leave Egypt and go abroad for some time. So I started exploring opportunities, and applied for a Fulbright scholars program in the US, for which I’m  still waiting for the final result. I went to a beautiful trip to Switzerland with such an amazing group for “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop. I learnt a lot during this trip and got to know amazing people, besides the breath-taking scenery. I was going through a very difficult breakup during that time, but thanks to God and the amazing support of my close friends, it turned into a blessing in my life.  I also went on a nice vacation with my family and brother to Hurghada.

July 2015 

I continued poetry writing and came back to my page on all poetry and started taking an online poetry class. I wrote another short story and submitted it to an international contest- I didn’t get to win though. I started meeting old friend whom I didn’t get to see for ages and appreciate the quality time you spend with your good friends. Another amazing experience during this month was my trip to Jordan to attend the “Drama in Education” certificate by Qattan Foundation. It was a great learning experience, and I got to learn a lot of the Palestinian culture during this time as well. 

August 2015

No words can do justice to describe the artistic meditation retreat I participated in during this month at Thailand with Peace Revolution. It was truly one of a kind experience, transformative and life changing. I came to know and experience the true meaning of inner peace, stilling the mind, and becoming one with the universe. I’ll forever be grateful to this kind of experience. I started to integrate mindfulness practices to my life as soon as I came back, and started this blog “mindful living in the city” This retreat also connected me to an old passion of spoken word arts, since I did a performance during the retreat, and I decided to give more attention to my writing since then. 

September 2015

 My career break was coming to a temporary end. I was planning to go to South Africa on January for a five-month trip, and so I needed to go back to work to start saving some money. I started working at one of my old workplaces but then left after the first week because I felt I didn’t belong to that place anymore. I had some complication with my thesis defense which led me to register for another semester. I felt I needed to cut the clutter out of my life especially after coming back from the retreat, so I decided to withdraw from a number of activities that didn’t fit into my life anymore. I was becoming more and more sensitive towards who I truly am, and how I am spending my time. Another interesting thing that happened is that one of the e-book publishers- Bahati Books contacted me to publish one of my stories which they read on my blog. It was a great opportunity for me to get introduced to the publishing work. They helped me in editing and publishing the story. Although it wasn’t marketed widely and I had to discontinue my work with them, I’m grateful for the opportunity to get published and take the creative writing even more seriously. Another amazing thing happened to me was starting a new relation with a man I greatly admire, and I pray that we end up being together very soon. 

October 2015 

I went back to work at Save the children, my old work place for a two and half month consultancy. I felt very strange the first week at work. I even got sick. But I had to remind myself that I’m working in something that I love, even if I still hated the nine to five kind of lifestyle. I started planning for a local PR meditation retreat at Egypt along with other colleagues, and we were getting excited to have PR come to Egypt. I started giving drama classes for primary school students at Jesuits school, which was a disastrous experience and I figured out I would never work in a school again. I created a spoken word profile at soundcloud as a modest start to publicize my spoken word.

November 2015 

I was getting busy preparing for the meditation retreat in December. I also did my thesis defense, however I didn’t pass and had to do major revisions for the thesis. I’m still stuck in this painful process and not even sure if I’ll get out of it alive or not. I started writing a new short story “Rites of Passage into Death” and decided to contract an independent editor to have freedom in publishing later on. 

December 2015 

The most beautiful thing in this month was the meditation retreat that took place at Nubia. Whenever I go to this place I feel totally at my center, it’s like a place where I’m meant to be. I started planning for 2016. I did a drama session with a group of  children which I enjoyed and I spent some quality time with the family during the holidays. I finished the draft of my short story and it’s out for editing and can’t wait to publish it. I’m getting excited already for the new year!!! :)

 

Cheers to a beautiful year gone by, cheers to much more beauty to come!

Expanding your safe space

One of the bad experiences I've ever faced in my life was staying in a place where I didn't feel safe, where my true identity was forced to hide behind masks and masks of pretension and lies. I kept blaming the world and the people for being fake, for forcing me to act and pretend; yet the problem wasn't in them, it was in me. First, I was so insecure to be myself around people. I wanted to stick by the rule and play it safe, and the more I played it safe, the more the rule became. Second, I did to others what was being done to me, I judged people by the way they looked, talked or acted, and didn't allow them the same safe space I was requesting for myself.

In a world full of lies and fake materialism, we can either choose to follow the herd, or become the beacon of light for those who keep looking for security, acceptance and pure love. Yet, in order to become a safe space for others, we need to become one for ourselves first: to accept, nurture and release our true authentic self no matter how weird or unusual it is to the world.

So, start creating your own safe space inside of you slowly and gradually. Start ridding yourself of the lies and fears and nurture your beautiful self before you release it to the world. Those who are true to themselves will gladly welcome it, while those who are still living a lie will bash you while secretly feeling jealous of your own limitless freedom.

Namaste! 

Less is More

Can I appreciate a beautiful piece of jewelry, or a nice shirt, without the urge to buy it and take it back home to join the ever growing pile of unused  belongings?


Can I take an oath of giving away one item- or two- in place of a new item bought?


Why is elegance and style associated with having 10 pairs of pants, 20+ shirts, and endless pairs of shoes? Can I still be elegant and neat without having to wear something different everyday?


How can I appreciate the beauty of one friend lost between the faces of thousands of so called friends in my network? how can I appreciate the magnificence of an artwork crushed under piles of unused electronics and books?


How can I enjoy a life spent between buying something one day, and then thinking of the next thing to buy the next day?


It's a trap...a trap of endless desires waiting to be fulfilled...the trap of "there is always something waiting for you to buy" or "If I bought this I'll be a happier person."


And amid all the belongings and shopping...you lose yourself...you lose your true identity..your true taste..your true needs.


Consumerism comes in different shapes and forms...It's not only in material stuffs...It can appear in knowledge- not being selective about the knowledge you're exposed to; it can come in the form of people you let into your life, the words you consume, and the hours you waste away..


Think before you get and give before you get


Less is more !

The "Other" to blame

Everytime I remember the great Mahatma Gandhi's golden rule "Be the change you wish to see in the world", I discover a new dimension to it. Yesterday I was speaking with some colleagues at work, and all I could hear is complaining of how the "other" is unjust, irresponsible, exploitative, and how they are being the "victims" of the society, the system, the employer...or their husband or wife.


As I ponder on this vicious circle of blame game that we find ourselves trapped in for life, I find that it is the reason for all our misery and mediocrity. We give ourselves the excuse for being miserable, unproductive and disillusioned because somewhere-everywhere, there exists this powerful "other" who finds joy in sabotaging our endeavors and sucking our energy till there is no more. And the sad irony, is that after a while, we ourselves turn into this "other" that we blame. Under the pressure of fear and doubts, we slowly turn into that unjust, irresponsible, exploitative creatures we once blamed for our misery.


And so, Mahatma Gandhi had this awesomely simple wisdom by stating that instead of wasting our energies to find this someone to blame, invest your energy by being all the goodness, all the purity, all the happiness, all the peace...and all the love you wish to see in the world!

Namaste!

No Talk is Better Than Empty Talk

In the busy city life, it is hard to engage in meaningful conversations. You find yourself trapped in empty discussions, where people don't listen to each other since they are too trapped in their own ego. And no matter how many people you talk with in your day, you find yourself craving for true and real connection...a soul connection where someone listens to you and you listen to them and find yourself exchange a true conversation from the soul...it is hard to find that sometimes.

Not a long time ago, I found myself filtering my social networks and sticking only to those people whom I'm able to connect to on a deeper level, and this had certainly enriched my life. And at time when those soulful people aren't around, I just enjoy the company of myself... and God.

As for empty talks, I do my best to avoid them. And even when I get trapped in these kind of conversations, I try to open my third eye and see through what is being said, and feel the energies of people around me. It helps me stay true to myself no matter how fake the material world is.

So here's my two cents, don't engage in empty talks and meaningless conversations.Avoid them and stay true to yourself and the world. Treat your words as gold, you don't spill gold anywhere, do you?!


Namaste!

Same Old Place...Brand New Me

Breaking news: I'm back to my workplace after nine months of a career break that was more than amazing. Well, I have to tell you that I've always dreaded this moment of coming back to the office life of continuous stress, endless deadlines and politics...lots of politics!!!

Yet, I had to be back, because this also happened to be the place where I learned quite a great deal about a cause which I'm so passionate about, that is child protection and child rights; and that was also the place where I got to meet very inspiring people and mentors, and work together to turn our dreams into a successful projects on ground.

So, my challenge was not really going back to my work, but was to find the answer to the question of how can I protect myself from the destructive stress and negativity that slowly creeps in your body and psyche.

I just started off this week, and although I had the usual stomachache on the first day of work and reluctance to become an office prisoner, I gradually adjusted myself to the environment while integrating my new Zen practices and regime.

 I start off my day early in the morning at 6 am, I do meditation in the fresh air of my balcony, and then a bit of yoga followed by  a delicious healthy breakfast. this gives the right kick start to your day.

On my way to the office, I do things that gives me peace, like reading a good book, listening to good music, or simply planning the schedule for the day.

I stopped drinking coffee at the office, replaced it by endless mugs of herbal drinks which leaves me feeling rejuvenated and at peace. I still drink coffee but only twice or three times a week.

A healthy meal during the day is a must. I stopped doing the regular ordering of heavy junk food at the office (thanks to peer pressure!) and replaced it by light meals that gives me the energy I need without leaving me sluggish.

I also use the lunch break to have a slow meditative walk in the sun, which refreshes my body and mind and energize me to continue on with the day.

Finally, I play a chakra healing music in the background while working and it puts me in this peaceful meditative state all day long!

I'll keep experimenting and sharing my good vibes with you all!! :)

Namaste!






 

Mother Eve

When God created Eve, everything was made perfect; She had a man who was crazy about her, and a God was so loving that he made it his own business to make sure they’re both happy. She was living in a paradise, a queen on a throne…nothing to disturb her..she had a world of her own.

Yet, do you think that made her happy or at least satisfied?! Well, I don’t think so. She was still looking for more..she believed that God was tripping her and hiding the most precious of all…the knowledge of bad and good she desired..and for the sake of a lie she destroyed it all..the love, the man of her dreams, the God of her youth…and the truth.

Well, she chose…she chose to believe in a lie..to forsake the good for the evil.. to worship herself instead of the creator.. to eat the forbidden fruit even if it meant death. .and death was just the beginning.

Death was not only promised to her body , but to her spirit, her core of being. She was dethroned, disconnected from divinity, and her once natural nakedness brought her shame.. she covered herself with leaves and ashes..but deep inside she knew nothing will bring her back her dignity. Once a queen, She became a slave…

My mother Eve…you brought us shame, and a curse that keeps flowing from a generation to the next..We, your daughters, still make the same foolish choices over and over again…putting our ego first..destroying what has been built in years with our careless words and twisted hearts..our bodies that once had the image of God are now a playground for the devil..a hook to catch stray souls, and a shrine for offerings of blood and sweat.

We roam the broken world aimlessly looking for a cure.. fantasizing about a world so pure..a paradise that once existed and embraced our souls…and more than that..a king out of whom we were brought to life..our second half..the masculine of our feminine and the strength of our tenderness ..but we know that he himself is lost as well, looking for his missing rib..for his womb and sanctuary.

But mother Eve, don’t you cry, for in a dark world there exists light that guides us back home, back to the promised land, back to ourselves… this light is the power of love that flows right from the heart of God into the heart of his creation, a power so strong and so sharp that it strikes our hearts regardless of time and space.. it hurts yet it heals..and the only way to receive it is to surrender and believe to be able to receive. .. Mother Eve, it is sad that this power is still mistaken by so many lies…we still mistake lust for love, possession for love, greed for love and loneliness for love. And we end up losing faith in finding true love, that it when it finally finds us and reaches out to give, we refuse to receive.

Mother Eve, I know you are now redeemed back to your kingdom, back to your king..I ask you for a sense of direction , healing and redemption, a new heart to believe in the miracle of love, and a new spirit guided by a divine light.

Why people gave up on love in Cairo

In his book "How to Love" the legendary zen Buddhist teacher Thich Naht Hanh mentioned that



"The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person."




well, I keep thinking about Cairo, a city with around 8 million people, and yet it is difficult-almost impossible to find love. This is not only based on my experience, but the testimony of thousands of young men and women who suffer from a life devoid of romantic love, and the potential to settle down and have a family of your own. A lot of articles, Egyptian soap operas and movies have been produced to discuss this phenomena and analyze "why did Egyptian young people give up on love?"




I don't want to analyze the scientific reasons behind that, but I want to shed the light on my own personal experience- being a thirty-years old woman who always found it easier to fall in love with non-Egyptians in a country other than Egypt, and I always wondered why. As one friend once told me when we lived together in the U.S. in 2011 "Here, You will find love as easy as pie, you don't even have to go looking for it like in Egypt." For you know in Egypt, you have to do an effort to find love, all these arranged dates and advertising that you're looking for that special someone among your family and friends, and eventually you might end up being practical and getting married to someone you're not even compatible with just because you're too afraid of "missing the train."




I started with Thich Naht Hanh's quote because he really summed it up all for me: "It all starts with you." we often blame the other side for not being able to give love: men blaming women for being too demanding and greedy, and women blaming men for being cheaters and uncommitted, but rarely do we do the effort to look at ourselves and ask: what is it that we're missing? I would say that living in a strict society like Egypt with lots of rules about "should and should nots" make children lose confidence in themselves very early. They fail to choose their way, to be who they are, especially girls of course. We grow with a flawed emotional system that fails to receive love, we are so afraid of receiving true love because a lot of things have been mistaken with that exact same word. Now, when anyone talks about love, we often joke about it or label it as being "drama talks" because we stopped believing in it, if not in everything that matters in this life. And I don't even want to go further with speaking about self-love or self-acceptance because the term "self" is already an issue in such a society.




Moving from the self to the society, this is not a free country. The society has strong unspoken rules and guidance that it takes a rebel to break. Most of these rules are twisted I believe. Rules like "the most important thing for a woman is to marry a rich man from a high social class to be able to feel proud in front of her family and friends." and "a man has to choose a pious, religious, beautiful, submissive woman. to make a good wife". And "love is created for the sake of marriage," as if marriage is the ultimate purpose of love and not otherwise. and then the influence of the elders, whether they are family or religious leaders and they being the ones who have a final say when it comes to love and marriage.




And more and more chains: the traffic, pollution, noise, dirty politics, sexual harassment, poverty...can one really find love amid all this...can one even stand for a moment and ask herself/himself: what is love?




And then the emotional baggage, and accepting the fact that we can really survive without love, but we can't survive without watching porn, smoking shisha for hours, or drinking endless cups of tea.




That's how love looks like in Cairo!

The Artist’s Pilgrimage

Very few realize the artist’s path is a spiritual one in its essence- for art is a talent to express one’s most personal, vulnerable thoughts, feelings and perception of life.  If art is not vulnerable and true, then it can be anything but art; and the audience feel it, they can only relate to what is genuine, what is uncensored. Any fake or unoriginal art no matter how skillful it is will fail to reach the hearts and minds of audience.

The artistic process is itself  an organic one. How many times did we try to impose a certain process or to reach a certain destination only to find ourselves heading towards a different one ?  I have a story to share from the last Artistic Meditation Retreat organized by Peace Revolution in Thailand last August.  In the first week, I was forcing myself to write using certain techniques, I wanted to impress myself and others, and I started forcing ideas down on paper, but every time I started working on an idea, I felt blocked, as if this is not the path. After trying out so many times, I finally surrendered and decided that whenever it happens will be the right time. I remember that day when I went for a long siesta, and then I woke up in the middle of the day, and without thinking, I grabbed my small red notebook and pen and walked out of my bungalow into the woods. The words started flowing out onto the paper while walking. I found myself singing them , feeling them and writing them down. It was a  spiritual experience for me as it required patience, solitude and faith in the process. The next step was to share what I’ve written with others,  and this required having a safe space where you feel secure enough to share a piece of yourself with others.

True art is also life changing. It changes the life of the artist before it can change the life of the audience. I still remember how the process of writing a short story about a Crow’s life made me revert to a vegetarian diet, just because I felt so connected to the crow, putting myself in his skin, and sharing his emotions, his being. I’m sure many of us can still remember this one movie or one story we read when we were children that changed our life and made us pursue a certain life dream.

Another feature of true  art is being egoless. It might be challenging to explain this one but I’ll try. Have you ever felt that there is a force inside of you that needs to come out either on paper as a poem, or on a canvas as a painting or in a piece of music or a dance maybe…? This force is inside of you, yet it is somehow greater than your ego. Sometimes the ego will actually resist the emission of this force because it might make you look vulnerable or expose you in front of the whole world. Maybe you will resist and go forward with your life, or maybe you won’t be able to resist it any longer and decide to surrender, and when you do, the most amazing and breathtaking form of art will emerge out of you.

Now the persisting question is how to find that organic, life changing and egoless path in a world full of lies, egocentrism and meaningless distractions?  How to free our souls from peer pressure, and the continuous need to be praised by others to confirm  our self-worthy? I can’t give you the answer, for the answer is inside of you. It is in the center of your body which is the purest, truest place inside of you. It is a place free from the power of the ego and distractions of the outside world. It is a pilgrimage you need to go on to connect with your purest form before you can express this form in whatever way you desire. It’s a journey that requires no transportation or money, only a desire to find that sacred space within yourself. Just go to a quite place where you can find solitude and silence, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes and be still. The mind be too distracted with thoughts at first, but your only weapon is to wait  and be still, don’t resist and focus on your center, you will surely get there.

Living in a busy city like Cairo and being brought up in a culture that believes the value of a human lies only in what s/he is doing, I had never heard before about meditation and the Dhamma- the plain truth.  Only through Peace Revolution, I got introduced to the meditation practice through the 42-days online development program, through which I learnt a great deal about meditation and the five acts of self-discipline.

I then applied to the Artistic Meditation retreat taking place at Thailand on August 2015, and got selected. I can easily say it was a transformative and intense journey of self- discovery and connection with the truth that lies inside of me. It was not an easy process and I faced lots of tribulations and doubts, but it was true and pure, and that was enough.

And now, going back to Cairo I face the real challenge of keeping the connection with my center and feeling Sabai all the time. However, I keep reminding myself that when everything around me gets so chaotic and noisy, I just need to close my eyes and go to that peaceful place inside of me—my sanctuary, my center.