The Buffer Zone

I stopped writing in this blog for sometime because I’ve put aside mindful living. The reason for this is that life got crazy, my mind got busy, and I slowly drifted away from the mindful living into the dreadful rollercoaster of life. At first, right after I finished my career break and got back to the daily hustle and bustle of usual business, I promised myself that I would continue the mindful lifestyle- being aware of every move, every word, and every thought. That meant that I had to protect that mindful territory of mine, sometimes by taking radical measures such as cutting down the socialization or taking weekend breaks in total isolation. Gradually, life pushed me back into the easier route— the one where you do what others are doing and saying what others will be happy hearing. See, it usually about is peer pressure to act unmindful and unconscious as everybody else around you.

Today was one of those few days where I woke up with nothing much to do, yet I felt that noise in my head caused by unending waves of thoughts and emotional burden. I wanted to run away from it and tried the usual gimmicks— eating, opening my pc and scrolling mindlessly through the rattles on my FB page, checking my do list to see what I need to do today, or trying to sleep— yet nothing of all of this made any difference, actually they only deepened my exhaustion and restlessness. Yet, suddenly I remembered the times where I started my day by meditation— a habit that always brought peacefulness and focus to my mind and body. For some reason, when my life gets so crazy and I’m in the most need for this practice, it seems faraway and unattainable. It’s like when you become unfit and you know the solution is exercising, yet being unfit makes it harder to exercise— a vicious cycle it is. 

But today I had no choice but to make peace with it. I was feeling drained and had no other option. I sat on my little pillow on the floor and closed my eyes. At first, the waves of thoughts and scenes popped up in front of me in an attempt to bring me down. It was like a pandora box that once you open it, the contents flood out uncontrollably. For me, this is the most difficult time in the meditation. Yet, I was patient enough to wait in silence with my eyes closed, cause I knew what was to waiting for me. Slowly, the flood of thoughts slowed down together with my breath. I started to regain awareness of my body senses, one by one, and my train of thoughts finally came to a stop and rested there. And this is the moment where I felt I’m regaining myself slowly, a moment where my mind felt empty and clear, where my body started ridding itself of all the burden and came to neutrality, and I was finally able to rest. 

It is a life changing practice. Even after I finish the meditation session and open my eyes to the crazy world, I start thinking of how much we are tied down to this unending spiral of thoughts and action; how much we tend to lose ourselves in this world and become someone who isn’t us in the first place. But today I remembered my buffer zone that is always there for me whenever I need to take a break from the non-ending war of the world. It is a bliss! 

Too Much Knowledge Isn't Good!

some time ago, I used to crave any kind of information about anything, thinking that I should be updated with all the affairs of life. This appeared especially at work where I wanted to be engaged in all conversations "gossips" in the workplace, believing that this makes me powerful and up to date with whatever is happening. Yet, that harmed me more than it empowered me, since I only had a limited heart and mind, and by not filtering what comes inside, I often felt overwhelmed. With time, I realized that important knowledge gets wasted amid trivial stuff. And so gradually, I decided to change my attitude towards accessing knowledge. I decided to engage only in meaningful conversations and to choose succinctly what I say and what I choose to let inside. My filters were prepped up and my time and effort wisely used.

So next time you feel overwhelmed by the flood of unprocessed information, words, and feelings, put your filters up and check the access points (be it media, face to face conversations or simply surrounding noise) and figure out a way to filter out only what's meaningful and relevant before its gets inside of you for processing and saving.

Namaste! 

Respect The Waiting Season

We need to accept the fact that life will always have its ups and downs. There is a season for ploughing, a season for planting, a season for waiting, and a season for harvesting.  There are some seasons that are more celebrated than others, like the harvesting season, and there are seasons that are looked down upon like the waiting season. However, if we looked deeper, we will see that all the seasons are equal in importance, for they all contribute towards the final outcome.

I'm speaking about this because currently I'm passing by a waiting season. I've ploughed my land, planted the seeds, and now I'm waiting. Unlike farming, in real life you don't really know how long you will be waiting, maybe a month, and maybe a year. You just need to have faith in the process. The other challenge is that you don't really know the outcome of the waiting, the crops might not turn out as you've expected. But again, it's all part of the process that needs to be respected and accepted.

So, how to deal with the waiting season? Is it just a matter of putting our lives on hold until something turns out? I believe it's a matter of perspectives. You can consider the waiting period as a preparation period as well, for the labor time will soon follow, and so you need to prepare yourself. I usually use this period for spiritual, emotional and mental growth, working on myself, my body as well. I use it as an investment time to further develop my knowledge, skills and strengthen my spiritual life. So, at least, I don't see it as wasted time, but a time most appreciated and used.

So, eventually, my two cents are, don't run away from the waiting season, or try to make it shorter or cry over it. Respect it. Respect the meaning behind it, and prepare yourself for what will be waiting for you afterwards.

Namaste! 

So Many Blessings 2015

As 2015 is coming to an end, I want to thank her for being so inspiring and beautiful and generous. It has been one of the most different years in my life, and I'm so much in awe for all the experiences I've been through, all the places I've gone, and all the amazing people I've got to know. Thank you!

Here is a snapshot of the year.

January 2015

After going through a lot of trials and hardships during this period, I decided to take a break from work and live a quiet time to rediscover myself and my priorities in life. It was quiet a brave decision for me given the fact that I’ve been working continuously since I graduated from university with no breaks in between. Now after almost a year, I can confidently say it was one of the best life decisions ever.

It was still a difficult period though with dad poor health condition and spending most of the month in the hospital. But we always witnessed quite a lot of miracles during this period that reminded us of God’s everlasting love and care.

February 2015 

I was on a notice period at work, doing my best to finish everything on time before leaving work. I also presented my these proposal at the university and it got accepted. I used this month to do a tight plan of all the things I wanted to do during my career break, I was already getting super excited. I applied for theatre school, counseling school and different traveling opportunities. I started my career break with a breathtaking vacation to Nubia- Aswan.

March 2015

This was the first month in an exciting journey of my career break. I made sure to keep it super busy in order not to feel a sudden drop in my activity level after leaving work. I started living on a low budget to save money, riding public transportation instead of taxis and living the life of a free wanderer. I started attending the school of social theatre at Jesuits centre, an intensive training for four days a week. Although I didn’t continue the school, I truly enjoyed the three months I spent there and learnt quite a lot.  I also became part of Microsoft Aspire mentorship program for college students. I resumed my counseling studies, started meditation practice, and started conducting a series of community trainings on a pro-bono basis. It was a great start to a new life. 

April 2015

I continued the theatre school and was preparing for a street performance. I continued working on my thesis. I had a good family time during Easter holidays. I started volunteering with St. Andrews for refugee services, giving professional development workshops to refugees. One of the greatest things that happened to me is coming back to creative writing, a long forgotten passion. I wrote a short story called “A Crow’s Pilgrimage”

May 2015

Another big turn for me was switching to a vegetarian diet during this month. I still don’t know the reason behind this by my body was shut off completely for eating meat.  Finished the process  of data collection for my thesis. I had an amazing and enriching volunteering experience with the refugees at St. Andrew’s and the feedback was truly amazing. I got accepted into “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop in Switzerland in June, and was so excited for my first traveling opportunity during the career break. I also got an interview with Peace Revolution for the meditation retreat in Thailand in August. The career break was getting more and more interesting.

June 2015 

During my career break, I was continuously thinking that it’s time to leave Egypt and go abroad for some time. So I started exploring opportunities, and applied for a Fulbright scholars program in the US, for which I’m  still waiting for the final result. I went to a beautiful trip to Switzerland with such an amazing group for “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop. I learnt a lot during this trip and got to know amazing people, besides the breath-taking scenery. I was going through a very difficult breakup during that time, but thanks to God and the amazing support of my close friends, it turned into a blessing in my life.  I also went on a nice vacation with my family and brother to Hurghada.

July 2015 

I continued poetry writing and came back to my page on all poetry and started taking an online poetry class. I wrote another short story and submitted it to an international contest- I didn’t get to win though. I started meeting old friend whom I didn’t get to see for ages and appreciate the quality time you spend with your good friends. Another amazing experience during this month was my trip to Jordan to attend the “Drama in Education” certificate by Qattan Foundation. It was a great learning experience, and I got to learn a lot of the Palestinian culture during this time as well. 

August 2015

No words can do justice to describe the artistic meditation retreat I participated in during this month at Thailand with Peace Revolution. It was truly one of a kind experience, transformative and life changing. I came to know and experience the true meaning of inner peace, stilling the mind, and becoming one with the universe. I’ll forever be grateful to this kind of experience. I started to integrate mindfulness practices to my life as soon as I came back, and started this blog “mindful living in the city” This retreat also connected me to an old passion of spoken word arts, since I did a performance during the retreat, and I decided to give more attention to my writing since then. 

September 2015

 My career break was coming to a temporary end. I was planning to go to South Africa on January for a five-month trip, and so I needed to go back to work to start saving some money. I started working at one of my old workplaces but then left after the first week because I felt I didn’t belong to that place anymore. I had some complication with my thesis defense which led me to register for another semester. I felt I needed to cut the clutter out of my life especially after coming back from the retreat, so I decided to withdraw from a number of activities that didn’t fit into my life anymore. I was becoming more and more sensitive towards who I truly am, and how I am spending my time. Another interesting thing that happened is that one of the e-book publishers- Bahati Books contacted me to publish one of my stories which they read on my blog. It was a great opportunity for me to get introduced to the publishing work. They helped me in editing and publishing the story. Although it wasn’t marketed widely and I had to discontinue my work with them, I’m grateful for the opportunity to get published and take the creative writing even more seriously. Another amazing thing happened to me was starting a new relation with a man I greatly admire, and I pray that we end up being together very soon. 

October 2015 

I went back to work at Save the children, my old work place for a two and half month consultancy. I felt very strange the first week at work. I even got sick. But I had to remind myself that I’m working in something that I love, even if I still hated the nine to five kind of lifestyle. I started planning for a local PR meditation retreat at Egypt along with other colleagues, and we were getting excited to have PR come to Egypt. I started giving drama classes for primary school students at Jesuits school, which was a disastrous experience and I figured out I would never work in a school again. I created a spoken word profile at soundcloud as a modest start to publicize my spoken word.

November 2015 

I was getting busy preparing for the meditation retreat in December. I also did my thesis defense, however I didn’t pass and had to do major revisions for the thesis. I’m still stuck in this painful process and not even sure if I’ll get out of it alive or not. I started writing a new short story “Rites of Passage into Death” and decided to contract an independent editor to have freedom in publishing later on. 

December 2015 

The most beautiful thing in this month was the meditation retreat that took place at Nubia. Whenever I go to this place I feel totally at my center, it’s like a place where I’m meant to be. I started planning for 2016. I did a drama session with a group of  children which I enjoyed and I spent some quality time with the family during the holidays. I finished the draft of my short story and it’s out for editing and can’t wait to publish it. I’m getting excited already for the new year!!! :)

 

Cheers to a beautiful year gone by, cheers to much more beauty to come!

Expanding your safe space

One of the bad experiences I've ever faced in my life was staying in a place where I didn't feel safe, where my true identity was forced to hide behind masks and masks of pretension and lies. I kept blaming the world and the people for being fake, for forcing me to act and pretend; yet the problem wasn't in them, it was in me. First, I was so insecure to be myself around people. I wanted to stick by the rule and play it safe, and the more I played it safe, the more the rule became. Second, I did to others what was being done to me, I judged people by the way they looked, talked or acted, and didn't allow them the same safe space I was requesting for myself.

In a world full of lies and fake materialism, we can either choose to follow the herd, or become the beacon of light for those who keep looking for security, acceptance and pure love. Yet, in order to become a safe space for others, we need to become one for ourselves first: to accept, nurture and release our true authentic self no matter how weird or unusual it is to the world.

So, start creating your own safe space inside of you slowly and gradually. Start ridding yourself of the lies and fears and nurture your beautiful self before you release it to the world. Those who are true to themselves will gladly welcome it, while those who are still living a lie will bash you while secretly feeling jealous of your own limitless freedom.

Namaste!