Turning Dilemmas into Discoveries: The Emotional Baggage

You know that place that holds so much childhood memories- bad and good- that sometimes it becomes a burden to be in that place.. that street..that person who is connected to your childhood somehow- maybe your parents or a bother or a friend.

Once you step into that place or you see that person, you instantly go back in time and see yourself as the 7 years old shy girl, or the 12 years old angry boy. Well, not all childhood memories are happy you know!

I have an issue with certain places and certain people because they remind of an unhappy period in my life, or an incident that I want to forget about. There are things which I can avoid, but other things I have to deal with on a daily basis...and on a daily basis, I find myself going back in time to that young fearful girl. I tried different techniques, from self-talk to "fake it until you make it." but nothing really worked out. I still related to these places and people in a negative way.

Until I had that revelation recently, it was about detachment. The issue lies in attaching these places or people with certain feelings and beliefs, that they become like catalysts stimulating certain feelings or behaviors. The solution was in detachment, seeing that place or event or person with fresh eyes as if it's the first encounter, to rebuild your connection what that thing. It is not an easy process, it requires a lot of exercise, but I found mediation and mindfulness in specific helping me a lot with creating a sense of detachment from familiar things.  I center my mind, recite a mantra and visualize a crystal clear object, and just be there, watching whatever thoughts or feelings that come into the surface without fighting them...I don't fight even the negative feelings like before, I just acknowledge them and let them flow in peace, eventually leaving me as neutral as ever.

And with that, a dilemma turns into a new discovery, and a fresh connection is built with the universe.

Namaste!

Connect to Your Spirit

I felt trapped in my body with restless mind..my body ached, my mind ached and I felt bored, distracted and unbalanced. These were all signs of being disconnected from my spirit, but how to get connected..?

It was by bringing the body and mind into stillness that the spirit gets into action, and this is what is known as meditation. It's a powerful practice that brings healing to the sick, rest to the weary and peace to the turbulent. There are many online platforms to learn about different techniques of meditation. I practice the dhammakaya meditation technique which is an approach to Buddhist meditation.

It is amazing how you feel when you get connected to your spirit. Suddenly all the problems that look so big feel so small. The tired body gets filled with life energy, and the restless mind feels so still, peaceful and happy.

It's also a powerful practice to get connected to God or a higher consciousness, to pray with your spirit instill of the ego controlled mind. It makes you feel strong and limitless.

So whenever you feel trapped in the physical world and feel burdened by problems and worries, close your eyes and stay still for as long as you can. And be patient, for it takes time to reap the benefits of meditation.

Namaste!

Be a Mindful Investor

What are your priorities in life? What do you cherish the most? What do you want to invest your life in?

These are all fundamental questions in life. The more you cherish something, the more time and energy you will invest in.

I consider myself to had been a lost soul before I turned twenty. I didn't really know what I wanted out of life. I was struggling during this period in my life with issues like self-identity and my place in the world.

During my twenties, I had so much energy and ambition that I decided to put in building my career and professional work. I devoted most of my time in my work, studies and building a professional network. I am sorry to say that in the process, I lost touch with many of my friends and potential love relationships that I had no time for because I was so focused on my work.

Last January when I became thirty years old, and when life decided to put me in hard trials due to my father's sickness, my endless stress at work, and a sad ending to a love relationship- I decided to take a break from everything. I quit my job which was everything to me during that time, I took a break from lots of activities as I was involved in and decided to sit still for a while and ask myself those questions: "What am I looking for in this life?" "What are my priorities?" "and what kind of life will make me proud if that was the last day in my life?"

These were very intense questions, and the process was deep yet revealing. I decided that in the next stage of my life I will have three priorities to focus on : Spirituality, relationships with friends and family, and arts.  These are the three things that I need at this stage in my life. This doesn't mean that I will quit focusing on my career or professional goals, but I don't think I will devote that same amount of time as I used to do before during my twenties.

Namaste!

OH...All the Things you Do

At some point in my life, I was doing a lot of things, cramming my schedule as much as possible.  I thought back then that life is too short, and I should not waste my time. I worked myself to the bone; studied a lot; took courses in almost everything; travelled; hopped on and off from one relationship to another, and from one place to another. I was like a crazy dog digging to find that special bone. Yet, I was never satisfied.

My life was simply lacking a clear sense of direction. I thought that more means satisfaction and abundance, I didn't realize that more simply means unnecessary clutter and distractions.

And now, I look at my life quite differently. I can't deny that this period in my life taught me a lot because it got me to experience a lot of things and to know who I really am and what do I want out of life. But, at this stage, I feel the need to be more focused. First, I don't feel that I have the same levels of energy to do everything like before. I'm becoming more and more selective of where I put my energy and time. And definitely adopting the philosophy that "Less is More."

This last week I quit three things in my life because I came up with the conclusion that they don't belong to me anymore. I gave away a lot of my belongings that felt like it's time to belong to someone else. I'm even selective when it comes to the thoughts that decide to enter into my mind, the food entering my mouth, and words coming out.

It feels so peaceful now, so tidy and neat and I feel more in control. Like an empty space with only the essential pieces of furniture... no more cramming!

Namaste

Spoken Word on Mindfulness

The following spoken word performances took place during the Artistic Meditation Retreat organized by Peace Revolution at Mooktawan sanctuary in Thailand, August 2015.  The creative process was new and intense for me, and I'm currently devoting an article focusing mainly on meditation and the creative process.

For now, please enjoy the following two performances

The Child in Me 

She asked me to lay down, close my eyes, and go back, way back to my childhood when everything was so peaceful and serene...

I closed my eyes and envisioned a baby girl so happy and carefree...She spent her morning playing with her friends at school, and her nights were lost in sweet dreams...

Yet that happy vision soon turned into a gloomy one, for the baby girl grew into an adolescent who wasn't that carefree...She was surrounded by drugs, violence and busy parents trying hard to pay the bills and a world full of insanity...

Living in that messy world, she lost herself and her purity...and got trapped in a dark endless cycle of fear, loneliness and insecurity...the God, the God she once believed in no longer existed and was replaced by vanity...

Yet, one day, when all went so wrong and unbearable, she had no choice but to scream...she screamed it all out, she cursed and cried and fall down to her knees, and voiced down her pain and misery...and then, she surrendered...

In a sudden aura of silence, she surrendered...and just kneeled down, with her eyes closed and her mind still...

She found herself transfered into another place, another space, deep deep down into her soul...It was so deep, yet so full of light...

In that place all her anger was turned into stillness, and all her questions needed not be answered, for the answers were found in her surrender to divinity...

The Battlefield of My Mind

Sometimes I turn into an inquirer of truth...a freedom fighter... a psychotic believer...and a atheist writer...But all the times I'm a fierce warrior...fighting a battle in the field of my mind.

It's a dark fight...with an enemy...that happens to be...a part of me.

I have no weapons...I have no army..I've been imprisoned...with no one to guard me. 

A refuge in a dark prison...with a stained dark window deforming my vision. 

I'm fighting to get out...but out to where?!...There is no where... where I can hide...from a monstrous mind...I'm trapped for life...I fight and strive...but always lose...cause it's a fight with a darkened mind.

Where can I hide...and see the light...that leads me out...that leads me to home...that leads me to OUM.

And one dark night...I closed my eyes...and waited there...in great despair.

My eyes wide shut...became eyes wide open...I saw a light...and a door wide opened.

A guard stood there...infront of the door...he asked me one question...what are you looking for?

I looked down at my scars and wrinkles... and made one wish

"Return me back to innocence...to my childhood faith in life...amusement in the simple joys...to my peace and pure love."

And then he answered... you are already near...let go of worry and fear...continue the journey towards your home...your resting place...It's closer than you think...It's better not to think...Just close your eyes and be still...For those who seek will find...and for those who knock the door will be wide opened.

Namaste!

Riding the Rollercoaster in Style

These couple of days have been really hard for me. Lots of important decisions to be made regarding my career, studies and finances; lots of confusion and unanswered questions; and that familiar feeling of unbelonging to this city...this country...this world.

I stopped blogging for the past two days because I thought to myself "Can I blog about mindfulness while being in this state of confusion?" Yet, today, only today I thought that if mindfulness didn't work for me while going through this difficult period, then it is an illusion, or a speech of monks living in a peaceful sanctuary.

So, this morning, I decided to resist that temptation of skipping my morning mindfulness routine to do some work, and thought to myself "I'll be able to do work better if I have a clear mind."

And it happened, after finishing my mindfulness morning routine, I definitely felt fresher, stronger, and more at peace with what is happening in life. I reminded myself that everything is happening for a reason, and even though a lot of what is happening is definitely out of my hand, I can still choose to go through this period in grace, peace and style.

Some of the practical habits I integrated into my life to help me during this period includes the following:

- I changed my sleeping hours to be from 9 pm till 5 am to better suit my biological clock, and to have a fresh time in the morning before work to do my mindfulness routine.

- My mindfulness routine includes the following:

  *Half an hour to an hour of meditation, spiritual readings and quiet time with God.
  *Half an hour of fitness: this can be anything from yoga, dancing, pilates or insanity to awaken my body.
   * A mindful loong shower! :)
   * A big healthy delicious breakfast and coffee.
   * Half an hour of journaling or reading.

This routine definitely help me start my day the right way.

- In addition to the morning routine, I stopped putting any food in my mouth after 6 pm, which helps my digestive system to have some rest, and I wake up the next day feeling lighter.

- I also switched my caffeine drinks during the day with Green or herbal teas that make me feel more relaxed during the day.

My two cents out of all of this: experiment with your habits. See what works for you and stick with it, and if something makes you feel more stressed or uncomfortable, git rid of it.

Aaand...Let it be!!! :)