So Many Blessings 2015

As 2015 is coming to an end, I want to thank her for being so inspiring and beautiful and generous. It has been one of the most different years in my life, and I'm so much in awe for all the experiences I've been through, all the places I've gone, and all the amazing people I've got to know. Thank you!

Here is a snapshot of the year.

January 2015

After going through a lot of trials and hardships during this period, I decided to take a break from work and live a quiet time to rediscover myself and my priorities in life. It was quiet a brave decision for me given the fact that I’ve been working continuously since I graduated from university with no breaks in between. Now after almost a year, I can confidently say it was one of the best life decisions ever.

It was still a difficult period though with dad poor health condition and spending most of the month in the hospital. But we always witnessed quite a lot of miracles during this period that reminded us of God’s everlasting love and care.

February 2015 

I was on a notice period at work, doing my best to finish everything on time before leaving work. I also presented my these proposal at the university and it got accepted. I used this month to do a tight plan of all the things I wanted to do during my career break, I was already getting super excited. I applied for theatre school, counseling school and different traveling opportunities. I started my career break with a breathtaking vacation to Nubia- Aswan.

March 2015

This was the first month in an exciting journey of my career break. I made sure to keep it super busy in order not to feel a sudden drop in my activity level after leaving work. I started living on a low budget to save money, riding public transportation instead of taxis and living the life of a free wanderer. I started attending the school of social theatre at Jesuits centre, an intensive training for four days a week. Although I didn’t continue the school, I truly enjoyed the three months I spent there and learnt quite a lot.  I also became part of Microsoft Aspire mentorship program for college students. I resumed my counseling studies, started meditation practice, and started conducting a series of community trainings on a pro-bono basis. It was a great start to a new life. 

April 2015

I continued the theatre school and was preparing for a street performance. I continued working on my thesis. I had a good family time during Easter holidays. I started volunteering with St. Andrews for refugee services, giving professional development workshops to refugees. One of the greatest things that happened to me is coming back to creative writing, a long forgotten passion. I wrote a short story called “A Crow’s Pilgrimage”

May 2015

Another big turn for me was switching to a vegetarian diet during this month. I still don’t know the reason behind this by my body was shut off completely for eating meat.  Finished the process  of data collection for my thesis. I had an amazing and enriching volunteering experience with the refugees at St. Andrew’s and the feedback was truly amazing. I got accepted into “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop in Switzerland in June, and was so excited for my first traveling opportunity during the career break. I also got an interview with Peace Revolution for the meditation retreat in Thailand in August. The career break was getting more and more interesting.

June 2015 

During my career break, I was continuously thinking that it’s time to leave Egypt and go abroad for some time. So I started exploring opportunities, and applied for a Fulbright scholars program in the US, for which I’m  still waiting for the final result. I went to a beautiful trip to Switzerland with such an amazing group for “OUR SCHOOL” training workshop. I learnt a lot during this trip and got to know amazing people, besides the breath-taking scenery. I was going through a very difficult breakup during that time, but thanks to God and the amazing support of my close friends, it turned into a blessing in my life.  I also went on a nice vacation with my family and brother to Hurghada.

July 2015 

I continued poetry writing and came back to my page on all poetry and started taking an online poetry class. I wrote another short story and submitted it to an international contest- I didn’t get to win though. I started meeting old friend whom I didn’t get to see for ages and appreciate the quality time you spend with your good friends. Another amazing experience during this month was my trip to Jordan to attend the “Drama in Education” certificate by Qattan Foundation. It was a great learning experience, and I got to learn a lot of the Palestinian culture during this time as well. 

August 2015

No words can do justice to describe the artistic meditation retreat I participated in during this month at Thailand with Peace Revolution. It was truly one of a kind experience, transformative and life changing. I came to know and experience the true meaning of inner peace, stilling the mind, and becoming one with the universe. I’ll forever be grateful to this kind of experience. I started to integrate mindfulness practices to my life as soon as I came back, and started this blog “mindful living in the city” This retreat also connected me to an old passion of spoken word arts, since I did a performance during the retreat, and I decided to give more attention to my writing since then. 

September 2015

 My career break was coming to a temporary end. I was planning to go to South Africa on January for a five-month trip, and so I needed to go back to work to start saving some money. I started working at one of my old workplaces but then left after the first week because I felt I didn’t belong to that place anymore. I had some complication with my thesis defense which led me to register for another semester. I felt I needed to cut the clutter out of my life especially after coming back from the retreat, so I decided to withdraw from a number of activities that didn’t fit into my life anymore. I was becoming more and more sensitive towards who I truly am, and how I am spending my time. Another interesting thing that happened is that one of the e-book publishers- Bahati Books contacted me to publish one of my stories which they read on my blog. It was a great opportunity for me to get introduced to the publishing work. They helped me in editing and publishing the story. Although it wasn’t marketed widely and I had to discontinue my work with them, I’m grateful for the opportunity to get published and take the creative writing even more seriously. Another amazing thing happened to me was starting a new relation with a man I greatly admire, and I pray that we end up being together very soon. 

October 2015 

I went back to work at Save the children, my old work place for a two and half month consultancy. I felt very strange the first week at work. I even got sick. But I had to remind myself that I’m working in something that I love, even if I still hated the nine to five kind of lifestyle. I started planning for a local PR meditation retreat at Egypt along with other colleagues, and we were getting excited to have PR come to Egypt. I started giving drama classes for primary school students at Jesuits school, which was a disastrous experience and I figured out I would never work in a school again. I created a spoken word profile at soundcloud as a modest start to publicize my spoken word.

November 2015 

I was getting busy preparing for the meditation retreat in December. I also did my thesis defense, however I didn’t pass and had to do major revisions for the thesis. I’m still stuck in this painful process and not even sure if I’ll get out of it alive or not. I started writing a new short story “Rites of Passage into Death” and decided to contract an independent editor to have freedom in publishing later on. 

December 2015 

The most beautiful thing in this month was the meditation retreat that took place at Nubia. Whenever I go to this place I feel totally at my center, it’s like a place where I’m meant to be. I started planning for 2016. I did a drama session with a group of  children which I enjoyed and I spent some quality time with the family during the holidays. I finished the draft of my short story and it’s out for editing and can’t wait to publish it. I’m getting excited already for the new year!!! :)

 

Cheers to a beautiful year gone by, cheers to much more beauty to come!

Expanding your safe space

One of the bad experiences I've ever faced in my life was staying in a place where I didn't feel safe, where my true identity was forced to hide behind masks and masks of pretension and lies. I kept blaming the world and the people for being fake, for forcing me to act and pretend; yet the problem wasn't in them, it was in me. First, I was so insecure to be myself around people. I wanted to stick by the rule and play it safe, and the more I played it safe, the more the rule became. Second, I did to others what was being done to me, I judged people by the way they looked, talked or acted, and didn't allow them the same safe space I was requesting for myself.

In a world full of lies and fake materialism, we can either choose to follow the herd, or become the beacon of light for those who keep looking for security, acceptance and pure love. Yet, in order to become a safe space for others, we need to become one for ourselves first: to accept, nurture and release our true authentic self no matter how weird or unusual it is to the world.

So, start creating your own safe space inside of you slowly and gradually. Start ridding yourself of the lies and fears and nurture your beautiful self before you release it to the world. Those who are true to themselves will gladly welcome it, while those who are still living a lie will bash you while secretly feeling jealous of your own limitless freedom.

Namaste! 

Less is More

Can I appreciate a beautiful piece of jewelry, or a nice shirt, without the urge to buy it and take it back home to join the ever growing pile of unused  belongings?


Can I take an oath of giving away one item- or two- in place of a new item bought?


Why is elegance and style associated with having 10 pairs of pants, 20+ shirts, and endless pairs of shoes? Can I still be elegant and neat without having to wear something different everyday?


How can I appreciate the beauty of one friend lost between the faces of thousands of so called friends in my network? how can I appreciate the magnificence of an artwork crushed under piles of unused electronics and books?


How can I enjoy a life spent between buying something one day, and then thinking of the next thing to buy the next day?


It's a trap...a trap of endless desires waiting to be fulfilled...the trap of "there is always something waiting for you to buy" or "If I bought this I'll be a happier person."


And amid all the belongings and shopping...you lose yourself...you lose your true identity..your true taste..your true needs.


Consumerism comes in different shapes and forms...It's not only in material stuffs...It can appear in knowledge- not being selective about the knowledge you're exposed to; it can come in the form of people you let into your life, the words you consume, and the hours you waste away..


Think before you get and give before you get


Less is more !

The "Other" to blame

Everytime I remember the great Mahatma Gandhi's golden rule "Be the change you wish to see in the world", I discover a new dimension to it. Yesterday I was speaking with some colleagues at work, and all I could hear is complaining of how the "other" is unjust, irresponsible, exploitative, and how they are being the "victims" of the society, the system, the employer...or their husband or wife.


As I ponder on this vicious circle of blame game that we find ourselves trapped in for life, I find that it is the reason for all our misery and mediocrity. We give ourselves the excuse for being miserable, unproductive and disillusioned because somewhere-everywhere, there exists this powerful "other" who finds joy in sabotaging our endeavors and sucking our energy till there is no more. And the sad irony, is that after a while, we ourselves turn into this "other" that we blame. Under the pressure of fear and doubts, we slowly turn into that unjust, irresponsible, exploitative creatures we once blamed for our misery.


And so, Mahatma Gandhi had this awesomely simple wisdom by stating that instead of wasting our energies to find this someone to blame, invest your energy by being all the goodness, all the purity, all the happiness, all the peace...and all the love you wish to see in the world!

Namaste!

No Talk is Better Than Empty Talk

In the busy city life, it is hard to engage in meaningful conversations. You find yourself trapped in empty discussions, where people don't listen to each other since they are too trapped in their own ego. And no matter how many people you talk with in your day, you find yourself craving for true and real connection...a soul connection where someone listens to you and you listen to them and find yourself exchange a true conversation from the soul...it is hard to find that sometimes.

Not a long time ago, I found myself filtering my social networks and sticking only to those people whom I'm able to connect to on a deeper level, and this had certainly enriched my life. And at time when those soulful people aren't around, I just enjoy the company of myself... and God.

As for empty talks, I do my best to avoid them. And even when I get trapped in these kind of conversations, I try to open my third eye and see through what is being said, and feel the energies of people around me. It helps me stay true to myself no matter how fake the material world is.

So here's my two cents, don't engage in empty talks and meaningless conversations.Avoid them and stay true to yourself and the world. Treat your words as gold, you don't spill gold anywhere, do you?!


Namaste!

Same Old Place...Brand New Me

Breaking news: I'm back to my workplace after nine months of a career break that was more than amazing. Well, I have to tell you that I've always dreaded this moment of coming back to the office life of continuous stress, endless deadlines and politics...lots of politics!!!

Yet, I had to be back, because this also happened to be the place where I learned quite a great deal about a cause which I'm so passionate about, that is child protection and child rights; and that was also the place where I got to meet very inspiring people and mentors, and work together to turn our dreams into a successful projects on ground.

So, my challenge was not really going back to my work, but was to find the answer to the question of how can I protect myself from the destructive stress and negativity that slowly creeps in your body and psyche.

I just started off this week, and although I had the usual stomachache on the first day of work and reluctance to become an office prisoner, I gradually adjusted myself to the environment while integrating my new Zen practices and regime.

 I start off my day early in the morning at 6 am, I do meditation in the fresh air of my balcony, and then a bit of yoga followed by  a delicious healthy breakfast. this gives the right kick start to your day.

On my way to the office, I do things that gives me peace, like reading a good book, listening to good music, or simply planning the schedule for the day.

I stopped drinking coffee at the office, replaced it by endless mugs of herbal drinks which leaves me feeling rejuvenated and at peace. I still drink coffee but only twice or three times a week.

A healthy meal during the day is a must. I stopped doing the regular ordering of heavy junk food at the office (thanks to peer pressure!) and replaced it by light meals that gives me the energy I need without leaving me sluggish.

I also use the lunch break to have a slow meditative walk in the sun, which refreshes my body and mind and energize me to continue on with the day.

Finally, I play a chakra healing music in the background while working and it puts me in this peaceful meditative state all day long!

I'll keep experimenting and sharing my good vibes with you all!! :)

Namaste!






 

Mother Eve

When God created Eve, everything was made perfect; She had a man who was crazy about her, and a God was so loving that he made it his own business to make sure they’re both happy. She was living in a paradise, a queen on a throne…nothing to disturb her..she had a world of her own.

Yet, do you think that made her happy or at least satisfied?! Well, I don’t think so. She was still looking for more..she believed that God was tripping her and hiding the most precious of all…the knowledge of bad and good she desired..and for the sake of a lie she destroyed it all..the love, the man of her dreams, the God of her youth…and the truth.

Well, she chose…she chose to believe in a lie..to forsake the good for the evil.. to worship herself instead of the creator.. to eat the forbidden fruit even if it meant death. .and death was just the beginning.

Death was not only promised to her body , but to her spirit, her core of being. She was dethroned, disconnected from divinity, and her once natural nakedness brought her shame.. she covered herself with leaves and ashes..but deep inside she knew nothing will bring her back her dignity. Once a queen, She became a slave…

My mother Eve…you brought us shame, and a curse that keeps flowing from a generation to the next..We, your daughters, still make the same foolish choices over and over again…putting our ego first..destroying what has been built in years with our careless words and twisted hearts..our bodies that once had the image of God are now a playground for the devil..a hook to catch stray souls, and a shrine for offerings of blood and sweat.

We roam the broken world aimlessly looking for a cure.. fantasizing about a world so pure..a paradise that once existed and embraced our souls…and more than that..a king out of whom we were brought to life..our second half..the masculine of our feminine and the strength of our tenderness ..but we know that he himself is lost as well, looking for his missing rib..for his womb and sanctuary.

But mother Eve, don’t you cry, for in a dark world there exists light that guides us back home, back to the promised land, back to ourselves… this light is the power of love that flows right from the heart of God into the heart of his creation, a power so strong and so sharp that it strikes our hearts regardless of time and space.. it hurts yet it heals..and the only way to receive it is to surrender and believe to be able to receive. .. Mother Eve, it is sad that this power is still mistaken by so many lies…we still mistake lust for love, possession for love, greed for love and loneliness for love. And we end up losing faith in finding true love, that it when it finally finds us and reaches out to give, we refuse to receive.

Mother Eve, I know you are now redeemed back to your kingdom, back to your king..I ask you for a sense of direction , healing and redemption, a new heart to believe in the miracle of love, and a new spirit guided by a divine light.

Why people gave up on love in Cairo

In his book "How to Love" the legendary zen Buddhist teacher Thich Naht Hanh mentioned that



"The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person."




well, I keep thinking about Cairo, a city with around 8 million people, and yet it is difficult-almost impossible to find love. This is not only based on my experience, but the testimony of thousands of young men and women who suffer from a life devoid of romantic love, and the potential to settle down and have a family of your own. A lot of articles, Egyptian soap operas and movies have been produced to discuss this phenomena and analyze "why did Egyptian young people give up on love?"




I don't want to analyze the scientific reasons behind that, but I want to shed the light on my own personal experience- being a thirty-years old woman who always found it easier to fall in love with non-Egyptians in a country other than Egypt, and I always wondered why. As one friend once told me when we lived together in the U.S. in 2011 "Here, You will find love as easy as pie, you don't even have to go looking for it like in Egypt." For you know in Egypt, you have to do an effort to find love, all these arranged dates and advertising that you're looking for that special someone among your family and friends, and eventually you might end up being practical and getting married to someone you're not even compatible with just because you're too afraid of "missing the train."




I started with Thich Naht Hanh's quote because he really summed it up all for me: "It all starts with you." we often blame the other side for not being able to give love: men blaming women for being too demanding and greedy, and women blaming men for being cheaters and uncommitted, but rarely do we do the effort to look at ourselves and ask: what is it that we're missing? I would say that living in a strict society like Egypt with lots of rules about "should and should nots" make children lose confidence in themselves very early. They fail to choose their way, to be who they are, especially girls of course. We grow with a flawed emotional system that fails to receive love, we are so afraid of receiving true love because a lot of things have been mistaken with that exact same word. Now, when anyone talks about love, we often joke about it or label it as being "drama talks" because we stopped believing in it, if not in everything that matters in this life. And I don't even want to go further with speaking about self-love or self-acceptance because the term "self" is already an issue in such a society.




Moving from the self to the society, this is not a free country. The society has strong unspoken rules and guidance that it takes a rebel to break. Most of these rules are twisted I believe. Rules like "the most important thing for a woman is to marry a rich man from a high social class to be able to feel proud in front of her family and friends." and "a man has to choose a pious, religious, beautiful, submissive woman. to make a good wife". And "love is created for the sake of marriage," as if marriage is the ultimate purpose of love and not otherwise. and then the influence of the elders, whether they are family or religious leaders and they being the ones who have a final say when it comes to love and marriage.




And more and more chains: the traffic, pollution, noise, dirty politics, sexual harassment, poverty...can one really find love amid all this...can one even stand for a moment and ask herself/himself: what is love?




And then the emotional baggage, and accepting the fact that we can really survive without love, but we can't survive without watching porn, smoking shisha for hours, or drinking endless cups of tea.




That's how love looks like in Cairo!

The Artist’s Pilgrimage

Very few realize the artist’s path is a spiritual one in its essence- for art is a talent to express one’s most personal, vulnerable thoughts, feelings and perception of life.  If art is not vulnerable and true, then it can be anything but art; and the audience feel it, they can only relate to what is genuine, what is uncensored. Any fake or unoriginal art no matter how skillful it is will fail to reach the hearts and minds of audience.

The artistic process is itself  an organic one. How many times did we try to impose a certain process or to reach a certain destination only to find ourselves heading towards a different one ?  I have a story to share from the last Artistic Meditation Retreat organized by Peace Revolution in Thailand last August.  In the first week, I was forcing myself to write using certain techniques, I wanted to impress myself and others, and I started forcing ideas down on paper, but every time I started working on an idea, I felt blocked, as if this is not the path. After trying out so many times, I finally surrendered and decided that whenever it happens will be the right time. I remember that day when I went for a long siesta, and then I woke up in the middle of the day, and without thinking, I grabbed my small red notebook and pen and walked out of my bungalow into the woods. The words started flowing out onto the paper while walking. I found myself singing them , feeling them and writing them down. It was a  spiritual experience for me as it required patience, solitude and faith in the process. The next step was to share what I’ve written with others,  and this required having a safe space where you feel secure enough to share a piece of yourself with others.

True art is also life changing. It changes the life of the artist before it can change the life of the audience. I still remember how the process of writing a short story about a Crow’s life made me revert to a vegetarian diet, just because I felt so connected to the crow, putting myself in his skin, and sharing his emotions, his being. I’m sure many of us can still remember this one movie or one story we read when we were children that changed our life and made us pursue a certain life dream.

Another feature of true  art is being egoless. It might be challenging to explain this one but I’ll try. Have you ever felt that there is a force inside of you that needs to come out either on paper as a poem, or on a canvas as a painting or in a piece of music or a dance maybe…? This force is inside of you, yet it is somehow greater than your ego. Sometimes the ego will actually resist the emission of this force because it might make you look vulnerable or expose you in front of the whole world. Maybe you will resist and go forward with your life, or maybe you won’t be able to resist it any longer and decide to surrender, and when you do, the most amazing and breathtaking form of art will emerge out of you.

Now the persisting question is how to find that organic, life changing and egoless path in a world full of lies, egocentrism and meaningless distractions?  How to free our souls from peer pressure, and the continuous need to be praised by others to confirm  our self-worthy? I can’t give you the answer, for the answer is inside of you. It is in the center of your body which is the purest, truest place inside of you. It is a place free from the power of the ego and distractions of the outside world. It is a pilgrimage you need to go on to connect with your purest form before you can express this form in whatever way you desire. It’s a journey that requires no transportation or money, only a desire to find that sacred space within yourself. Just go to a quite place where you can find solitude and silence, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes and be still. The mind be too distracted with thoughts at first, but your only weapon is to wait  and be still, don’t resist and focus on your center, you will surely get there.

Living in a busy city like Cairo and being brought up in a culture that believes the value of a human lies only in what s/he is doing, I had never heard before about meditation and the Dhamma- the plain truth.  Only through Peace Revolution, I got introduced to the meditation practice through the 42-days online development program, through which I learnt a great deal about meditation and the five acts of self-discipline.

I then applied to the Artistic Meditation retreat taking place at Thailand on August 2015, and got selected. I can easily say it was a transformative and intense journey of self- discovery and connection with the truth that lies inside of me. It was not an easy process and I faced lots of tribulations and doubts, but it was true and pure, and that was enough.

And now, going back to Cairo I face the real challenge of keeping the connection with my center and feeling Sabai all the time. However, I keep reminding myself that when everything around me gets so chaotic and noisy, I just need to close my eyes and go to that peaceful place inside of me—my sanctuary, my center. 

Turning Dilemmas into Discoveries: The Emotional Baggage

You know that place that holds so much childhood memories- bad and good- that sometimes it becomes a burden to be in that place.. that street..that person who is connected to your childhood somehow- maybe your parents or a bother or a friend.

Once you step into that place or you see that person, you instantly go back in time and see yourself as the 7 years old shy girl, or the 12 years old angry boy. Well, not all childhood memories are happy you know!

I have an issue with certain places and certain people because they remind of an unhappy period in my life, or an incident that I want to forget about. There are things which I can avoid, but other things I have to deal with on a daily basis...and on a daily basis, I find myself going back in time to that young fearful girl. I tried different techniques, from self-talk to "fake it until you make it." but nothing really worked out. I still related to these places and people in a negative way.

Until I had that revelation recently, it was about detachment. The issue lies in attaching these places or people with certain feelings and beliefs, that they become like catalysts stimulating certain feelings or behaviors. The solution was in detachment, seeing that place or event or person with fresh eyes as if it's the first encounter, to rebuild your connection what that thing. It is not an easy process, it requires a lot of exercise, but I found mediation and mindfulness in specific helping me a lot with creating a sense of detachment from familiar things.  I center my mind, recite a mantra and visualize a crystal clear object, and just be there, watching whatever thoughts or feelings that come into the surface without fighting them...I don't fight even the negative feelings like before, I just acknowledge them and let them flow in peace, eventually leaving me as neutral as ever.

And with that, a dilemma turns into a new discovery, and a fresh connection is built with the universe.

Namaste!

Connect to Your Spirit

I felt trapped in my body with restless mind..my body ached, my mind ached and I felt bored, distracted and unbalanced. These were all signs of being disconnected from my spirit, but how to get connected..?

It was by bringing the body and mind into stillness that the spirit gets into action, and this is what is known as meditation. It's a powerful practice that brings healing to the sick, rest to the weary and peace to the turbulent. There are many online platforms to learn about different techniques of meditation. I practice the dhammakaya meditation technique which is an approach to Buddhist meditation.

It is amazing how you feel when you get connected to your spirit. Suddenly all the problems that look so big feel so small. The tired body gets filled with life energy, and the restless mind feels so still, peaceful and happy.

It's also a powerful practice to get connected to God or a higher consciousness, to pray with your spirit instill of the ego controlled mind. It makes you feel strong and limitless.

So whenever you feel trapped in the physical world and feel burdened by problems and worries, close your eyes and stay still for as long as you can. And be patient, for it takes time to reap the benefits of meditation.

Namaste!

Be a Mindful Investor

What are your priorities in life? What do you cherish the most? What do you want to invest your life in?

These are all fundamental questions in life. The more you cherish something, the more time and energy you will invest in.

I consider myself to had been a lost soul before I turned twenty. I didn't really know what I wanted out of life. I was struggling during this period in my life with issues like self-identity and my place in the world.

During my twenties, I had so much energy and ambition that I decided to put in building my career and professional work. I devoted most of my time in my work, studies and building a professional network. I am sorry to say that in the process, I lost touch with many of my friends and potential love relationships that I had no time for because I was so focused on my work.

Last January when I became thirty years old, and when life decided to put me in hard trials due to my father's sickness, my endless stress at work, and a sad ending to a love relationship- I decided to take a break from everything. I quit my job which was everything to me during that time, I took a break from lots of activities as I was involved in and decided to sit still for a while and ask myself those questions: "What am I looking for in this life?" "What are my priorities?" "and what kind of life will make me proud if that was the last day in my life?"

These were very intense questions, and the process was deep yet revealing. I decided that in the next stage of my life I will have three priorities to focus on : Spirituality, relationships with friends and family, and arts.  These are the three things that I need at this stage in my life. This doesn't mean that I will quit focusing on my career or professional goals, but I don't think I will devote that same amount of time as I used to do before during my twenties.

Namaste!

OH...All the Things you Do

At some point in my life, I was doing a lot of things, cramming my schedule as much as possible.  I thought back then that life is too short, and I should not waste my time. I worked myself to the bone; studied a lot; took courses in almost everything; travelled; hopped on and off from one relationship to another, and from one place to another. I was like a crazy dog digging to find that special bone. Yet, I was never satisfied.

My life was simply lacking a clear sense of direction. I thought that more means satisfaction and abundance, I didn't realize that more simply means unnecessary clutter and distractions.

And now, I look at my life quite differently. I can't deny that this period in my life taught me a lot because it got me to experience a lot of things and to know who I really am and what do I want out of life. But, at this stage, I feel the need to be more focused. First, I don't feel that I have the same levels of energy to do everything like before. I'm becoming more and more selective of where I put my energy and time. And definitely adopting the philosophy that "Less is More."

This last week I quit three things in my life because I came up with the conclusion that they don't belong to me anymore. I gave away a lot of my belongings that felt like it's time to belong to someone else. I'm even selective when it comes to the thoughts that decide to enter into my mind, the food entering my mouth, and words coming out.

It feels so peaceful now, so tidy and neat and I feel more in control. Like an empty space with only the essential pieces of furniture... no more cramming!

Namaste

Spoken Word on Mindfulness

The following spoken word performances took place during the Artistic Meditation Retreat organized by Peace Revolution at Mooktawan sanctuary in Thailand, August 2015.  The creative process was new and intense for me, and I'm currently devoting an article focusing mainly on meditation and the creative process.

For now, please enjoy the following two performances

The Child in Me 

She asked me to lay down, close my eyes, and go back, way back to my childhood when everything was so peaceful and serene...

I closed my eyes and envisioned a baby girl so happy and carefree...She spent her morning playing with her friends at school, and her nights were lost in sweet dreams...

Yet that happy vision soon turned into a gloomy one, for the baby girl grew into an adolescent who wasn't that carefree...She was surrounded by drugs, violence and busy parents trying hard to pay the bills and a world full of insanity...

Living in that messy world, she lost herself and her purity...and got trapped in a dark endless cycle of fear, loneliness and insecurity...the God, the God she once believed in no longer existed and was replaced by vanity...

Yet, one day, when all went so wrong and unbearable, she had no choice but to scream...she screamed it all out, she cursed and cried and fall down to her knees, and voiced down her pain and misery...and then, she surrendered...

In a sudden aura of silence, she surrendered...and just kneeled down, with her eyes closed and her mind still...

She found herself transfered into another place, another space, deep deep down into her soul...It was so deep, yet so full of light...

In that place all her anger was turned into stillness, and all her questions needed not be answered, for the answers were found in her surrender to divinity...

The Battlefield of My Mind

Sometimes I turn into an inquirer of truth...a freedom fighter... a psychotic believer...and a atheist writer...But all the times I'm a fierce warrior...fighting a battle in the field of my mind.

It's a dark fight...with an enemy...that happens to be...a part of me.

I have no weapons...I have no army..I've been imprisoned...with no one to guard me. 

A refuge in a dark prison...with a stained dark window deforming my vision. 

I'm fighting to get out...but out to where?!...There is no where... where I can hide...from a monstrous mind...I'm trapped for life...I fight and strive...but always lose...cause it's a fight with a darkened mind.

Where can I hide...and see the light...that leads me out...that leads me to home...that leads me to OUM.

And one dark night...I closed my eyes...and waited there...in great despair.

My eyes wide shut...became eyes wide open...I saw a light...and a door wide opened.

A guard stood there...infront of the door...he asked me one question...what are you looking for?

I looked down at my scars and wrinkles... and made one wish

"Return me back to innocence...to my childhood faith in life...amusement in the simple joys...to my peace and pure love."

And then he answered... you are already near...let go of worry and fear...continue the journey towards your home...your resting place...It's closer than you think...It's better not to think...Just close your eyes and be still...For those who seek will find...and for those who knock the door will be wide opened.

Namaste!

Riding the Rollercoaster in Style

These couple of days have been really hard for me. Lots of important decisions to be made regarding my career, studies and finances; lots of confusion and unanswered questions; and that familiar feeling of unbelonging to this city...this country...this world.

I stopped blogging for the past two days because I thought to myself "Can I blog about mindfulness while being in this state of confusion?" Yet, today, only today I thought that if mindfulness didn't work for me while going through this difficult period, then it is an illusion, or a speech of monks living in a peaceful sanctuary.

So, this morning, I decided to resist that temptation of skipping my morning mindfulness routine to do some work, and thought to myself "I'll be able to do work better if I have a clear mind."

And it happened, after finishing my mindfulness morning routine, I definitely felt fresher, stronger, and more at peace with what is happening in life. I reminded myself that everything is happening for a reason, and even though a lot of what is happening is definitely out of my hand, I can still choose to go through this period in grace, peace and style.

Some of the practical habits I integrated into my life to help me during this period includes the following:

- I changed my sleeping hours to be from 9 pm till 5 am to better suit my biological clock, and to have a fresh time in the morning before work to do my mindfulness routine.

- My mindfulness routine includes the following:

  *Half an hour to an hour of meditation, spiritual readings and quiet time with God.
  *Half an hour of fitness: this can be anything from yoga, dancing, pilates or insanity to awaken my body.
   * A mindful loong shower! :)
   * A big healthy delicious breakfast and coffee.
   * Half an hour of journaling or reading.

This routine definitely help me start my day the right way.

- In addition to the morning routine, I stopped putting any food in my mouth after 6 pm, which helps my digestive system to have some rest, and I wake up the next day feeling lighter.

- I also switched my caffeine drinks during the day with Green or herbal teas that make me feel more relaxed during the day.

My two cents out of all of this: experiment with your habits. See what works for you and stick with it, and if something makes you feel more stressed or uncomfortable, git rid of it.

Aaand...Let it be!!! :)

Let it Be..Let it Flow

Whatever is happening is the right thing.. whenever is happening is the right time... where ever  is happening is the right place..

Yesterday, the strength of my Sabainess was tested when I knew that I might need to pay extra fees for my university to be able to defend my thesis because of a delay from my professor's side. The old me wanted to scream at the professor's face, telling him "It's all your fault." and then cry her bad luck and her already tight finances.

Yet, as soon as I knew this piece of news, only one sentence flashed in my mind "Let it be." It echoed with a voice of one of  the Buddhist monks that mentored us during the Peace Revolution retreat... "Let it be. Let it go." and I found myself thanking the professor on the phone for his efforts and telling him I'll do my best to finish on time.

Well, for me this attitude of surrender and peace was so foreign, yet so serene. I felt I didn't have to fight the world as I used to do before. Instead, I can do my best and forget about the rest, for the rest isn't mine. Instead of wasting too much energy on sadness, blame and regrets, I can spend it on something productive and meaningful.

It really takes effort to train your mind and your soul to accept...to surrender to what life brings on... It takes faith and humility as well...but it's worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vACIn3OTK-k


Namaste!

Cultivate the Sabai-ness in you

Sabai in Thai means relaxation- that peaceful feeling that we often miss in the big city life.

Now, is there a way to be constantly feeling sabai, or is it a feeling only associated with weekends and holidays...?

I remember in my previous job, I constantly felt stressed, even on weekends. I was always thinking of deadlines, problems that had to be solved, performance evaluations that I had to pass, and managers to satisfy. It was a hectic life, and soon had its toll on my physical and emotional health.

Yet, slowly, I started to think of ways to bring inner peace into my life. In a city like Cairo, where everything is so grey, noisy and polluted, it's hard to find that inner peace. But I started cultivating it slowly inside of me and to create a peace zone that I can always resort to when everything goes so wrong.

My room became my sanctuary...I filled it with photos to remind me of good memories, books that take me to another worlds, and small candles with scents to light when I'm meditating.

I also carried with me a "purse of joy" whenever I went. It's a tradition I kept since 2011 when my life was so hard. I decided to carry very little things that bring happiness into my dark moments. These were simply my rosary, a blue crystal, a photo and my mp3 filled with happy and soothing music.

So, when life gets a little bit tough, grey or noisy...just find a quiet place, light your happy scented candles, turn on your soothing music, and close your eyes and surrender to the sabainess in you.

Namaste! 

The Dehypnosis of the Mind-- Habits

Since the day we are born, we find ourselves raised up in a family or in a wider community with certain habits, and without much thinking we integrate the same habits-- or painkillers into our lives.

At home, the habit of always having the TV turned on, with no much filtering of what is coming out of this small screen and getting into our minds; the habit of opening the fridge late at night and getting whatever is there into our mouths.

And then with our friends, we go out, smoke shisha and cigarettes after work mindlessly just to make the pain a little less, not thinking much about what kind of poison we're getting into our bodies and how it'll affect us ten years from now. We spend the after work hours backstabbing people we don't like, making dirty jokes and engaging in violent conversations .

And then at night before sleeping, we run away from the cruelty of life by fantasizing a different life full of love and butterflies..sometimes, sleep never comes and we spend the whole night with our mind racing from one memory to another---crying the past and fearing the future.

Well, that was my life until recently. Running in a wheel that never stops, with guilt building up slowly until a thick wall came up that blocked my vision and choked my soul.

Back to the questions dilemma, I had lots of questions and for my good, I kept asking them, every single day. Yes, I was lost in the daily hypnosis, yet my only refuge were the questions I had in my mind. Until one day, a voice dominated my mind and ordered me to "leave it all."-- to take a break from life, from the daily routine, from work and people I see everyday, and chase my questions. It was crazy for me at first, how can I leave the routine I'm used to for years now. I thought I might die. I was wrong. It turned out that I was in fact dying slowly and this voice was that of my savior trying to wake me up.

And now I in the process of being dehypnotized .I can feel every single pain in my body and around me without having to run away from it--but embracing it, listening to it and responding. I quit many of the habits that were dragging me even further into the darkened circle and working on cultivating positive ones instead.

So, here is  my two cents out of all of this , never ignore the questions you have in your mind; make sure to have silent times during the day to hear that inner voice inside of you and get back to your senses. And above all, be mindful of your daily practices-why you do them and what are you trying to run away from..That's the first step towards an awakened life.

http://lyricstranslate.com/fr/damien-rice-hypnosis-lyrics.html

Namaste! 

Questions that Matter

I just came back from a heavenly two-week meditation retreat at Mooktawan Sanctuary in Thailand, organized by Peace Revolution Org and Dhammakaya Foundation. It was the first time for me to come this close to the Buddhist philosophy in life, since I live in the Middle East region that doesn't practice Buddhism. I was blown away by the values and practices of Buddhism that revolve around loving kindness, detachment from worldly pleasures,and stillness of the mind to be able to find the Dhamma or truth inside of you.

At the first week of the retreat, my mind was trying to resist some of the teachings, as being a follower of Jesus' teachings, I was afraid of conflicts that may arise. However, smoothly and gradually, I started to listen, to think and to reflect on every single word and messages behind the words. I sat after every meditation and lecture to ponder on the teachings, and the similarities between Buddha and Jesus' teachings struck me. I found that religions in general are trying to answer the following questions:

*The purpose of life "What are we living for...?"

* What is the truth or "the way of Life"? And how can we discipline the body, mind and soul to reach this truth or the joys of the spiritual realm?

* How can humanity awaken from the "hypnosis" of material life, and achieve enlightenment?

* What will happen after this life? What is death?

* What is good, and what is evil?

* How can humanity break free from the sufferings and pain of material life (Nibbana)?

* How can we share love, wisdom and knowledge with all mankind without discrimination?

There are many more questions, but I believe those are the core questions that humanity tries to find answers for in whatever spiritual or religious path they follow. For me, mindfulness starts with thinking about these questions as they provide the essence of life, the foundation for all our values, attitudes, thoughts and actions. Some people choose to ignore those questions because it is a painful and daunting process, and proceed in their lives with no clear destination. And others spend their whole lives looking for answers. 

Eventually, it all starts with a "question" , and the answer will always follow...!